Mariko Sakai, aka Mistress Mariko, joins host Johnny G to discuss the spiritual side of romance and intimacy. Mariko, a coach and expert in field of relationships, intimacy, and sexuality, presents listeners with a hard-hitting question: are we REALLY willing to get honest about who we are, what we want, and how we can get there? Whether in romance, sexuality and intimacy, family life, or business, Mariko explains that our inner guidance has all the information we need to reach ongoing joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. The map to find it is simply the willigness to love ourselves unconditionally and boldly embrace authentic living.

To learn more about Mariko’s work, visit her website at www.MistressMariko.com or find her on social media: @MistressMariko.

To contact host Johnny Guidry to discuss spiritual coaching, speaking engagements, or episode feedback, email him at RefractivePodcast@gmail.com or visit www.RefractiveCoaching.com

Episode Transcript:
Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Refractive. I’m your host, Johnny G. Today I’m joined by Mariko Sakai. She is a businesswoman, coach, thought leader, TEDx, speaker and light worker. She focuses on helping people wake up from societal expectations and reorient to a truly authentic life. She herself lives an alternative lifestyle. She’s a certified coach in sex, love, relationships, conscious dating, tantric intimacy, women’s empowerment and ethical bdsm. She’s trained in human design, EFT, co creative science, and she is my wonderful guest today. Welcome, Mariko. I’m so happy to have you here.

[00:01:29] Speaker B: Thank you so much, Johnny, for having me. It was an honor.

[00:01:33] Speaker A: And today we’re here to talk about your area of specialization, relationships, sexuality, and the rich personal growth and spiritual development that’s available to that part of our life. And I think it’s a really interesting topic.

[00:01:52] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. There’s so much here.

[00:01:56] Speaker A: Why do you think this was an area of focus that you moved into?

[00:02:04] Speaker B: Why?

I am not sure, but maybe I feel like part of the reason why. It has to do with the fact that since I was like a little girl, I always kind of identify as not fitting in.

I was not like a typical girl. It was more than just like a tomboy type thing.

So I feel like there is a part of me just kind of always aware of who I am, but not really feeling like I fit into like a typical girl box.

And also not wanting to. Growing up, not wanting to fit into that box as a way of kind of as a woman. Like growing up in japanese society, in any society, there is this sexism and woman should be this, a girl should be like that and a boy should be like this. And I never really fit in. But also I did not want to grow up to be an adult woman where I am lesser than men or like I’m less successful than men or I wanted to make sure that I am very successful in every way and don’t fit into this typical, kind of like a submissive or lesser role, if you will, for a woman so there is intentional. I was kind of a natural born, like a different girl, but also I want to be like this. There is a very clear picture of that, too. So I was always kind of aware of what society was expecting of me, but who I really am, and then just kind of always kind of aware of that kind of a balance or the misalignment between the two.

[00:04:18] Speaker A: It sounds like your coaching journey has a parallel to mine.

When I had, I guess, what I call a spiritual awakening, and that empowered me to stop living my life according to what I was taught, my life should look like. I was able to step away from my traditional career and instead do things that felt good to my spirit. I was able to change the nature of my relationships with people, walk away with individuals. That darkened my spirit, even if society says I had an obligation to be with them.

My spirit told me, no leave, and I did.

And as I felt the refreshment of living this way, I all of a sudden wanted to help other people feel that way, too. And it sounds like what you do for a living in helping people, especially in the niche of relationships, is an outpouring of your own journey and what you learn to help yourself. And now maybe you want to provide that support to other people on the same journey. Does that sound right?

[00:05:39] Speaker B: Yeah, that’s exactly right. And then, so I attract the people who basically conform to the society’s expectations, and then they are successful doing it.

And I was very successful, quote unquote, as well. But then after a while, I realized, oh, my God, am I happy?

No.

[00:06:12] Speaker A: Right?

[00:06:13] Speaker B: Yeah.

[00:06:16] Speaker A: How can I be so unhappy when I’ve done everything right that was, I had. Why am I unhappy? I did what I was supposed to. My job looks like it was supposed to. My relationships look like they’re supposed to. Everything in my life, I’ve architected it based on what I’ve been taught. Why doesn’t it feel good? It was baffling to me. It felt so unfair. It felt like I had to be so damaged in order to not enjoy a life that looked like it should be right.

And in reality, it was not right. It was somebody else’s right. It wasn’t my right.

[00:06:59] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And then that somebody else probably don’t exist.

[00:07:06] Speaker A: Exactly.

I love that. So I love that you’re on this journey, and I love that you dedicate your life to helping people arrive at that same beautiful realization as you did. So why don’t we dig right into this topic? It’s a rich one.

[00:07:23] Speaker B: Yeah, sounds good.

[00:07:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So one of the things that you mentioned to me is that you feel very passionate about inviting people to be honest with themselves about what they want and what they don’t want. And I have to tell you, Marico, this is a refractive podcast message.

I have one episode that’s literally called be honest with yourself.

And I have this message of, like, really respect what you want and what you don’t want and move toward it. I’ve talked about that quite a bit, so I’m excited to revisit this topic with you.

What do you mean by that?

How can someone get honest with themselves about what they want or what they don’t want?

[00:08:17] Speaker B: Yeah, this is actually quite difficult, I find, and I’m an honest person.

I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that. Like, well, what can I do? I’m already honest.

So in my experience, it requires looking in the areas that I was not willing to look at.

That’s where it comes down to.

And I became passionate about this, looking in basically shadow and then dark areas that I possessed, but I still possess, but I was choosing to not look at it because I’m a successful person, I’m a good person, and I can just kind of pretend these things don’t exist about me, right. And then, so I almost forget, like, I even have these things over here. But the reality is that I just kind of put them aside, try not to look at them, pretend that they don’t exist. That’s not part of me. No, I’m successful. I’m a good person here. So this is the way I live my life, almost all of my life.

And then I did everything that I know to be successful, right? I mean, I took all the training. I have a degree, I speak multiple languages, all of these things. And then I was still not happy.

I was feeling empty and I was feeling very misaligned about who I am, and I did not know what was wrong.

And then, so the reason why I became so passionate about and then the reason why this becoming honest with yourself can be hard is because you are most likely, and like, I was working so hard to be right, to have this great life become happy and successful and all of this.

And so intentionally, we are not looking at these areas, these shadow, dark areas.

And like I said, I almost forgot that I had these things.

And it kind of feels scary because we don’t look at these areas because I feel ashamed. I’m fearful that I cannot believe it’s part of me, right? So to kind of invite people to be honest, that’s really what I mean by look at purposely the areas where I’ve chosen to not look at, like turn the blind eye, pretend doesn’t exist.

[00:11:14] Speaker A: And so let’s apply this to the world of relationships. Because, listen, you and I, we could talk all day long about hidden rage or hidden greed or all of these kind of shadow sides. But if we’re talking specifically about relationships and everyone’s individual orientation towards relationship status, whether I’m someone that prefers being single, prefers being married, prefers being in an open relationship, prefers just dating, whatever that is. When you talk about getting honest with yourself about what you want and don’t want, how does that apply to my romantic life?

[00:12:00] Speaker B: That is a really big question. So I would say that it is such a core of you that these like love and sex and relationship.

[00:12:26] Speaker A: Because we’re spoon fed. Like we’re told, well, you’re not married in your late thirty s. I mean, something’s wrong.

That’s the quiet messaging. I mean, in some homes, that might not be quiet messaging, that might be direct messaging. In my home, that’s never spoken, but certainly in my society, it’s like, yeah, you’re single and you’re 42 and you’ve never been in a relationship. So what’s wrong?

[00:12:57] Speaker B: Yes, that’s right. Yeah.

Where I grew up in Japan, there is this analogy of for women, like, oh, woman, you don’t want to be a Christmas cake. Well, what does that mean? Well, after the 25, no one wants you.

Yeah, this is a joke, but it’s really harsh. And of course, my parents, fortunately, they didn’t give me that kind of a pressure. But how many people will choose to be in a certain relationship because they were told that’s what they’re supposed to do? Right.

And when it comes to sex, I mean, who told you how to do it, right?

[00:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah.

Nobody trustworthy told me how to do it. I could tell you that much.

[00:13:51] Speaker B: Exactly.

Who got a proper education about it?

Maybe just looking some magazine and porn.

That’s it.

Including myself. Until I got my sex coaching certification, I got a proper training about what is it? What is sex?

How to have it in the most pleasurable way. What’s the purpose of it? More than just a procreation?

No one’s learning this thing.

[00:14:25] Speaker A: No.

[00:14:27] Speaker B: Yeah. No one’s teaching it, no one’s seeking it. Right.

[00:14:30] Speaker A: Exactly.

My brain is just so full of thoughts around this. If we’re talking about sex, it’s like, well, if you don’t like intercourse, something’s wrong. Right. Or the other parts are just extra. Well, that’s not true. Some people are wired differently. Some people don’t like intercourse and they like another part of sex. And the fact is, when you say it’s time to get honest about what you want and don’t want out of relationships, we’re not just talking about the sexual part, like, we’re talking about fulfillment. Fulfillment for my romantic life. Do I even know what I want? Have I even stopped to look inside myself and say, I don’t want to live that way, or I do want to live that way, and here’s why I want to live that way. I understand why I want to live that way, rather than just taking spoon fed societal education that misaligns with who we are.

[00:15:38] Speaker B: Yeah. And I feel like because of the taboo labeling of sex, we don’t even properly talk about it. Right. So all we do, most of us, all we do is like, oh, I heard or read about this in the magazine, and this is probably how I’m supposed to be doing it. And I don’t get why this could be so fun, or I only know this one way.

Like you’re saying we don’t really think about what do I really want? We don’t even think about it. Do I want a partner? Well, if I do, how many or what kind?

I didn’t think much about that when I was young.

I thought that I kind of feel like I want to have children. I feel like that’s in my future, and I found someone who could be a good father of my children.

That’s different from I want a soulmate or I want a partner. It’s very different. But we do it because society says I should get married. If I want to do this, do that if you want to be successful. Right.

[00:17:17] Speaker A: All right, here we go.

We’re in this swamp of other people’s information.

We can’t see because the water is cloudy. We don’t know what we want. We’re like, oh, no, I got to have a kid by the time I’m 30.

I got to get married. I have this right. We don’t even know what we want. We only know what we’ve been conditioned to desire. Okay. And so how do we see clearly? How do you help people to understand what they want at the most pure level?

[00:17:56] Speaker B: Yeah. So it is hard. It is challenging.

It really is. And so for me, that the way worked, like I said earlier, that it took me to look into the area that I was least willing to look at. That was the fastest way to do it.

[00:18:23] Speaker A: You’re willing to share with us what area that was.

[00:18:27] Speaker B: Yeah. So beginning of that, my journey was to actually go through divorce, which I had this strong conditioning. That’s not for me. No, I’m not doing it.

[00:18:38] Speaker A: Divorce is unacceptable.

[00:18:40] Speaker B: Exactly. That’s a failure. I’m not a failure, so I’m not doing it.

So that was one thing that was actually huge for me, that actually doing it.

And then he really had this feeling of. It was a mutual thing, but I was not going to initiate because I had this strong condition. It is wrong to do it, especially because I have children. We have children together.

And then. So once I looked at it and then did it in a way that I never thought possible for a divorce, I was like, oh, my God. And then it made me feel so free.

And when I say free, the.

It’s. It’s hard to describe how that felt. I felt for the first time, whole.

[00:19:41] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah.

[00:19:43] Speaker B: And then I feel, like, whole. And then I kind of have this feeling like I used to feel this way every day when I was a child.

[00:19:52] Speaker A: Yeah.

[00:19:53] Speaker B: But after a while, maybe I would say six, seven years old, I just gradually start to lose that feeling of whole and a being myself.

Divorce is just one big thing that just opened up.

It was like a lock of the jail that I put myself in.

And then. So I opened the key, but it really had this feeling of instead of trying to open the key of the jail, it was more like, I melted the jails away.

It disappeared. And then I was like, or like, it expanded. That jail expanded. Jail was, like, right here, just hugging my body, and I couldn’t move and I couldn’t feel. I didn’t even know who I am to just kind of, boom, expansion of the jail I was in. So there was a lot of loose bars and, like, oh, I can just get out.

[00:21:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that’s right.

Yes.

[00:21:10] Speaker B: That was the feeling when that happened. And then after that, I experienced so many other areas of the things that I thought wasn’t for me and then realized, oh, my God, I actually love this thing. And every time I experience something, I said, no, and then look into that and I’m like, oh, my God, I love it. And every time it was like a boom. It’s like a huge expansion of, like, wow, where does this. All this space that was available to me that I wasn’t aware of it, that feeling of, I guess that is the power of truth that is there, but no one can give it to me.

I’m the only one.

If I am really willing to look at the truth in that way, yes.

Then it becomes mine.

But it’s mine already. But I can’t use it.

That’s the power of becoming honest and then looking into those areas that you don’t want to admit about yourself.

[00:22:48] Speaker A: I’m the monster under my bed. There is no monster under my bed. I’m the one that’s waiting to get me.

I’m the jailer that’s holding me in my cell. There is no jailer. It’s me.

I love thinking of it as the only thing strong enough to cut a diamond is a diamond. No one can hold me back but me. No one has the power to hold me back but me. I’m the only one powerful enough. And so it’s one of the most beautiful things that I get to work with, with clients. And I know that you do, too. It’s helping someone open their eyes and see that there’s not a damn thing in the world that can stop you but you. And if you felt stuck, then the good news is there’s no one else that I have to go convince to let me go. It’s just you.

Only one.

[00:23:48] Speaker B: Yeah, that’s absolutely right. And it’s one of those things that a lot of people say, I want to be confident.

How do I become confident? I feel like it’s the same thing that I feel like that it’s really just you in the way.

I am in my way.

Go ahead.

[00:24:17] Speaker A: I was going to say, there’s this horror movie from the gosh, the title of it is escaping me, but there’s a babysitter, and she’s in the house by herself where the kids are sleeping. And she gets a threatening phone call.

And the phone call frightens her very much. And she calls the police and says, someone told me that they were going to hurt me and the kids that I’m babysitting, and I’m so scared. And the police says, oh, we’re going to go ahead and research that call. Well, the phone call comes back and they say, ma’am, this is the police. The phone call is coming from inside your house.

And she realizes that the person who is threatening her is already in the house with her and the kids. So it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying. But that’s a great analogy for I terrify myself.

The phone call is coming from inside the house. Right. You say, oh, when people want to be confident. Well, I’m the one that dared me not to be confident.

And it doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it means this is an inside job.

And it all starts with stillness. It starts with love. Stillness, love. That’s my experience. That’s my opinion. I wonder if you agree.

[00:25:43] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. Stillness. And then I find that to be. It is much easier to experience the stillness when I’m not in a relationship.

Yes.

[00:26:02] Speaker A: There you go.

[00:26:06] Speaker B: Yes. So that’s another thing, right? Like this conditioning that we receive. Like, if you’re not dating, if you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, something is wrong with you. Like for what, how long? How old are you? There is this thing.

There was a time. Well, let me think about it. Yeah. When I got married, I wanted to have a husband to start a children with. I mean, start a family with. But other than that, I actually don’t think I was in the need of wanting a boyfriend because people thought. But I know a lot of people do.

And I feel like that’s one of the examples that I’ve been partnered. I was married for 20 years and I have some partners, but I definitely don’t have the boyfriend or that type of partner.

And then there is actually, I really enjoy this and that there is definitely a benefit.

It’s not a benefit.

It’s more like, how do I call this?

Necessity.

This doesn’t mean that if you are a partnered in relationship, you cannot have this. But I don’t. But I feel like me as a person who have kind of adapted to be a married person and in order to adapt myself, suppressed myself, suppressed my feeling, my desires and then wants and not want. So in that context, I feel like it feels really good to be able to just really walk on myself, be with myself, be still with myself instead of asking someone to do that with me, which I think is an inside job.

[00:28:12] Speaker A: That’s right.

I want to turn this really practical for a moment. And I’m sure that you as well work on this with clients. But listen, we’re talking about relationships today. We’re talking about being authentic when it comes to the role that coupling or staying single plays in our personal growth and our spiritual development. And if you think, you know, what type of life you want, I want to be single or I want to be married. I want to be in an open relationship. I just want to date. Whatever it is. I want multiple partners, whatever the case is.

I wonder if, listeners, if you can ask yourself, do I know why I want what?

You know, this is such fertile soil to say, okay, I want to be married. Why do I want to be married? Let me just see myself clearly.

And here’s specifically how I will walk through it with clients. And Mariko, maybe you have other methods that you’d like to share. You know, it’s about saying, what are my values? And if you have not done values exercises for yourself yet, just go online, google it, and you can find lots of websites that have helpful articles or exercises on how to uncover what your values are. Spoiler alert. Your values are not things are not qualities, simply qualities that you respect. They are qualities that drive your subconscious response. They’re automatic reflexes. Okay? Everybody says, oh, my value is generosity or kindness. Okay, well, is your first reaction to situations generosity and kindness? If it’s not, that’s probably not your value. Maybe your value is adventure, or maybe your value is exploration. Or maybe your value is growth, or whatever the case. Okay, so do I know what my values are? And what are the fears that are subconsciously driving me? Am I scared that I’m not worthy? Am I scared that I’m not good enough? Am I scared that I’ll be abandoned?

Am I scared that life is going to pull the rug out from under me? And if these fears are playing roles in your life, then it is worth your time, listeners, to look at them with your open eyes and say, is there a correlation between my values and my fears and the type of relationship I want?

Not that you’re right. Not that you’re wrong. Let me just look. Is something pulling the strings behind the curtain that’s making me think I want x when if I were really free, I would want y? What are your thoughts on that?

[00:31:22] Speaker B: I love that. I love what you just said.

That’s a great approach. And I love that about the fear thing, because I find that I definitely feel like. And then I used that, the value thing, and then that’s actually when I became clear about that I was in a wrong relationship when I was married because the values were not aligned. But actually, your value. Mention of values really brings up a very good point where I was receiving so much advice about stay together.

Like, a prolonged marriage. Like a marriage is a failure if it ends. Like, the longer the better, right? So we have this conditioning constantly. So whomever I turn to, except for my coach, they come with this conditioning or underlying belief or the value that the. For marriage, longer the better, right? So all of the teaching I received, the great teachings to improve the marriage, improve whatever, always come, make it long, make it last long, that the better, that the longer the better.

But really taking a look at my values and comparing my then husband’s values, they were not aligned. And that was actually the moment where, oh, I actually am in a wrong relationship.

This is not aligned. This is why it’s not working.

So it is such a great point. And that you say that, and then it’s so important that people become crystal clear about what they value, what they really value as a person.

[00:33:35] Speaker A: Yes.

[00:33:35] Speaker B: And then to make sure that’s aligned with the partner.

And if it’s not aligned, I would say that it’s good that you found out about it and that you decide what you want to do with that.

[00:33:48] Speaker A: That’s right. Exactly. Yes.

Pivoting just a little bit. You and I talked about traditional male female roles as we were planning the episode. And this is not directly related to any type of sexual orientation. It’s larger than the topic of sexual orientation. But you talked about how there is such a missed opportunity for beauty when someone boxes themselves in to a traditional male role or a traditional female role. So if I’m a woman and I feel like I’m a naturally dominant person, I feel like I have to hide that and be submissive in order to be a real woman. Or if I’m a man, maybe I’m a naturally submissive man, but society tells me I’m defective, if that’s the case. So I have to always pretend to be a dominant man, or I’m failing at manhood. And I wonder if you have some thoughts on this beautiful, missed beauty that exists when we allow our authenticity to come through in our gender expression.

[00:35:01] Speaker B: Yes.

So what you just said, what you just summarized about the traits of human that is contrary to this society’s conditioning of the gender based roles, for whatever reason, that really hits me very close to my heart, because I myself identify as a very dominant and very masculine woman, but I’m also very feminine, but someone who was afraid to embrace my feminine because I thought that if I am too feminine, then I’m considered to be weak, inferior to men. And then if I wanted to be successful in the business world, that didn’t seem, like, advantageous for me. Right. So I hid that part intentionally all my life.

[00:36:07] Speaker A: You hid your feminine part, and you leaned into the dominant masculine part, and you hid the feminine part so that you would not put yourself at a disadvantage. Is that what you’re saying?

[00:36:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I did that intentionally.

And I don’t think people felt that I am a dominant or a masculine woman particularly, but I don’t think they felt I am particularly feminine woman either. And I always kind of really like the idea that I’m an androgynous person who is highly masculine and highly feminine. I’ll just be honest that it was very difficult for me to be me as a woman, me as a woman, powerful woman, but not masculine powerful, but the feminine powerful, because I did not know what that means.

And also, I was very aware of the fact that, like I said, I never really felt like I was a typical woman growing up, even a typical girl had a lot of male friends and my entire life.

And at the same time, there are quite a few men who are just really not feeling identified as just dominant alpha male, even if they are not a submissive per se. There are some people who really identify as a submissive, but even if they don’t necessarily submissive per se, there is this masculine conditioning of, like, alpha male. And then if you’re not dominant or alpha, then you’re not man enough. There is a lot of stories like this, and I feel like we receive so many of these type of things. And then for me as a woman, a lot of women who are powerful in the business world or in a professional world, if we are standing out, then we get this thing about, oh, she’s bossy.

And I don’t think men get this description of being bossy.

[00:38:48] Speaker A: Right.

[00:38:49] Speaker B: It’s what women get.

And then a lot of women feel terrified of called intimidating. I get that a lot. Intimidating woman. And then I got that throughout my life. And again, I didn’t really think too much of it, but I know some women feel very.

Take that description very personally, and then they don’t feel comfortable about that. So this constant comparison of what a woman should be if you’re a woman, the constant comparison of what a man should be if you’re a man, whenever there is a gap between what we are fed, how we should be with a gender role, we kind of not explore that part because it’s uncomfortable.

And so we just don’t go there. And then it’s much easier to just kind of say, oh, I just kind of be like this, wear a skirt and be a girl.

But, yeah, so after I get a training, I got this formal training to be a dominatrix.

And then, so when I did this, what was incredible to me is that the change in me, and also I’m able to see the beauty in people that I didn’t see before, that it is not because it is not about, let’s say, the submissive men. Submissive men is more beautiful than not submissive men. I’m not saying it, but it’s really more about really knowing who the person is. And then if that person is submissive, then owning it.

[00:40:54] Speaker A: Yes.

[00:40:55] Speaker B: And then just specifically me experiencing submissive men and then receiving their devotion and love as a dominant woman.

I don’t know how to explain this experience.

That experience really taught me what I’m offering as a woman.

That before this training, before this understanding, I probably would have felt very uncomfortable. No, I’m not that beautiful. I’m not that powerful. I’m not that sexy. I don’t think I was aware of what I had.

[00:41:45] Speaker A: Right? Yes.

[00:41:46] Speaker B: But because of this training and an understanding and interacting with people who fully own the submissive parts, I was able to fully own my dominant part, which I couldn’t do in most of my life.

And I thought, oh, my God.

So that was an experience of very unexpected way of accessing that power by assuming it. Yes, I have this. Yes, I will take it. I will receive your devotion, and then I will receive your worship. This is not something I could ever imagine saying people worship.

[00:42:44] Speaker A: Even just verbalizing, that can be shocking in our.

[00:42:47] Speaker B: Yes.

I mean, three years ago, I cannot imagine saying something like this. People worshipping me.

[00:42:55] Speaker A: Right?

[00:42:56] Speaker B: No.

I would have felt very uncomfortable because I didn’t feel worthy of such a thing. But I do now. Yeah, but it’s not because I changed. It’s because I realized that I actually have these things.

[00:43:12] Speaker A: Yes. There you go.

You hold space for your entire self, right? Because no one is. Well, I won’t say no one, but very few people are only on one side of the coin, right? I’m not only dominant or only submissive. I’m not only masculine or only feminine. I’m not only desirous of being single or only desirous of being in a monogamous marriage, right? Most of us fall somewhere in the middle on these continua.

And I think it’s important to say, if I were to look at myself, if I were to look at myself, like, on the continuum of masculine energy and feminine energy, I might fall on the masculine side, but really around 60 out of a scale of 100. I’m not an 80 or 90% masculine energy person.

And I think it’s important to really say, okay, who am I? What makes me tick? What are my motivations? What are my fears? What drives me? And can I hold space to love? What drives me? And we all know the stories of politicians or other notable people who were caught in these compromising situations where they were getting their needs met. That was in a way, that was off brand for who they said they were. It’s painful when we will not accept who we are, what we are, what we need, and then we have to skulk around like a little weasel to secretly get our needs met and life will punish us when we’re not authentic.

[00:45:07] Speaker B: Yeah.

Yes, absolutely. Thank you for saying that. And then I totally agree with that. And then that’s kind of when I kind of accidentally and then playfully put myself in a situation looking to these areas or my way of being or parts of myself that I never considered for myself, that’s when I realized that I was actually being punished. Using your words. Yeah, for not using the power that I have so abundantly.

But hey, I didn’t know. I didn’t know. Being myself and then really knowing who I am and expressing myself gives me.

Not like hiding or just secretly judging about it.

[00:46:05] Speaker A: Yeah, that’s it.

I think this has been such an interesting conversation, especially considering how rarely we’re willing to talk about things like this out in the open. So I want to thank you for bringing that gift to refractive and for sharing your wisdom and experience with us. If listeners want to learn more about what you do, how you help individuals live authentically, how can they learn more about you?

[00:46:42] Speaker B: Well, yes, thank you for asking. So I do a one on one coaching and then sometimes I create some group programs and workshops.

You can get more information about my work on my website.

So it’s www.mistressmarico.com.

And also I post quite a bit. Well, not quite a bit. I’m going to post more regularly on my instagram that my Instagram handle is mistressmarico.

[00:47:18] Speaker A: Okay, great. And that’s m as in Mary Ariko.

[00:47:24] Speaker B: Yes.

[00:47:25] Speaker A: Excellent. Thank you so much. What a joy to have you with me today. Thank you for that.

[00:47:30] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me, everyone.

[00:47:33] Speaker A: As you go out in your day and you meet all sorts of people who are just doing the best they can, I hope you can remember to aim your light. Take care.

You’ve been listening to refractive podcast and this is Johnny G. If you found today’s content uplifting, if you think it might make somebody’s day better, give it a share on social media, click like subscribe. All those things help to expand this podcast availability to new audiences. I’m a speaker, a coach, and a facilitator based out of Washington, DC, but I travel a lot. If you think I can be of service to you or to your organization, help people get unstuck or move into their authentic power, shoot me an email. My email address is refractivepodcast@gmail.com. Take care. Thanks for listening and aim your light.