The Shortest Route to Serenity is Acceptance. Oh, and PLINKO.
The key is letting go of our judgment of the present moment. Host Johnny Guidry blends personal experience, spiritual concepts, and everyone’s favorite game from The Price is Right for a deep dive into letting go of painful stories that keep us from peace.
Links to supporting materials:
Here’s the link to the Oprah SuperSoul Conversation podcast episode featuring Byron Katie
To enhance mindfulness in your life, try these guided meditations from Refractive Podcast: What’s My Purpose and Ocean Stillness
For similarly-themed content try these episodes of Refractive Podcast: From Addiction to Self-Acceptance or Who Do You Think You Are?
Visit www.refractivecoaching.com to learn more about how Johnny G helps people orient towards their best and most powerful lives. Visit www.refractivepodcast.com for more information. Additional content focused on supporting your path to authentic living is found on the Refractive YouTube page at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6y-HQ1_9-xMnZyq7dhRl4A
Find the episode transcript below; please note that the podcast is transcribed via software, we ask that you excuse inaccuracies or misinterpretations.
Ever since you can remember, you felt something in your chest that
tells you to move, to speak, to love, to try. You pretend you don’t hear it calling,
or maybe you dismiss it as silliness or worse, but it’s there, ready for you and it will wait for you
as long as you need. My name is Johnny G and I invite you to join me on a journey of awakening
as we dare to embrace our light. This is refractive.
Hello. Hello, good evening. And welcome to
Refractive. This is Johnny G. over the past year, I’ve come to believe that protecting my serenity
is my number one job, and it falls above earning money. It falls above finding food and shelter
and relationships. Protecting my serenity unlocks the resources that allow me to step into the
flow of life and effortlessly receive all the care, the nourishment and the abundance that I need.
It allows me to be more loving and more present as a person- unlocking
the door of serenity is a foundation for accessing my birthright of magnificence. So that’s a lot to
jump right into, right? We’ve only been talking for a few seconds on the episode, but the purpose
of today’s episode is to look how surrendering to the current moment is an entry way to
accessing serenity and therefore an entryway to accessing the best possible life that exists for
me. The mythology we have often accepted as a culture is that we have to try as hard as we can
to have an amazing life. We have to overcome obstacles. And when we aren’t given what we
want, we should go out and get it for ourselves. We have to fight for glory. We have to fight for
security. We have to fight for recognition. We have to push past the pain and grab life by the
horns and forge our own future. I don’t believe that that needs to be the path forward any longer.
I can’t tell you why. I don’t know what changed, but I see a different perspective on that now. And
I see other people also adopting this different perspective and this different paradigm. It is now
the era of growing through joy. So in this mindset that I mentioned, go out and work super hard
to build the best life you can. In this Mindset. We constrict ourselves in a thousand boxes of, should we have
ideals. We have concepts that we feel beholden to, and you know, there’s nothing wrong with
achievement. In fact, by living a life of intention, by having clarity around the present moment
and being mindful and surrendering to that present moment, because surrender is the key word
of this episode, the quality of any effort I undertake improves when I am mindful, aware and
clear on what’s before me on what’s real and what’s mythology on what’s actually happening and
on what is just a story society has believed and what I have accepted as real, but is not really
real when I’m able to recognize those things I can achieve with more efficiency, it takes less
energy. I fight less and my love and my pure creative energy flow into what I’m doing in a way
that gives me better results.
So this episode, as I talk about surrendering to the moment for a greater
sense of serenity in life, this is not about letting go of achievement and creativity and effort. It’s
about letting go of the painful stories and painful beliefs that we believed were the gateway to
achievement. That’s the difference, a life of joy and beautiful experiences and achievement and
love is built of a million consecutive moments of feeling for what is most resonant right now.
Each decision that I make from the power of the present moment opens before it an entirely new
branching path of timelines. If I decide to stop recording this episode and instead to go take a
nap that changes the timeline before me and opens up an entirely new sequence of things that
become possible after that decision, there’s a new series of causes, effects, possibilities,
lessons, and adventures that open up with every single decision I make. It’s like a new river that
forms out of nothing and branches out to cover a continent with meanderings that
weren’t there before. And that river, that decision , flows without being told what to do, where to
go and how to move for us in applying this principle of flow to life, the trick is twofold. So this is
really key for this episode. The first part is to look inside, connect with my wisest self and ask
what’s right, right now, the second part is once I have that information, to love myself enough to do it surrendering to the magnificence of life is based in the acceptance of what is by way of pure unconditional love.
My favorite teacher on this topic, her name is Byron Katie, and I’ve certainly mentioned her name once or twice in other episodes.
Um, she’s an extraordinary person. Her book called loving what is Katie says, she’s a lover of
what is, and that the only time we suffer ever is when we believe a stressful uninvestigated
thought. She says that pain is a part of life. It’s unavoidable, but suffering is different suffering is
when we believe a story that the pain is unfair wrong, or otherwise shouldn’t be happening. She
talks about the death of her mother. And, um, there’s an instance where Oprah is interviewing her and Oprah
says, do you mean you haven’t suffered since 1986? Well, haven’t you lost anyone important
to you? Oh yes. My mother died and Oprah says, but you didn’t suffer? And Katie says, no.
Oprah says, well, I just don’t understand that. You’re going to have to tell me. And what Katie
said is I sat with my mother towards the end of her life. And without my story of attachment,
without my story of it’s wrong for her to leave me it, I need her with me. I want her to be with me
instead of on her own path, which is ending without that story. I could see clearly that her path
was coming to an end. And I realized that for me to want her to stay here for my happiness was
my own selfish story. This did not come from a place of love. We say that this love, but in
reality, I didn’t want to go through the pain of separation. And therefore that is the painful story
that when someone dies, we believe it’s too soon. It’s not fair. It’s wrong. It shouldn’t be
happening. As opposed to this person’s path has come to an end. And I am so full of love for this
person. I am so glad I experienced every moment I could when we were together. And I am so
glad that this person suffering has ended, or I am so glad that this person has moved on to a
new what realm of existence. And I celebrate that person’s transition. Wow, that’s revolutionary
Oprah almost Couldn’t handle it to think that the pain of losing someone is that I don’t want to
suffer. It’s not about, I love that person because if I love that person, I want them to be on their
perfect path. And who am I to say when someone’s life is over, it’s only my
selfishness that makes me want to declare such a thing. So that’s a rather extreme example of
accepting what is, but I really strongly suggest you take a look at Byron Katie. If this concept at
all resonates with you, um, I will put a link to the Oprah SuperSoul conversation podcast episode
with Byron Katie. That is a really nice way to get introduced to her thoughts and her perspectives
on this stuff. And it’s how I first encountered her. Um, and then if that feels right, you can go to
her book, which is loving what is, which is a, uh, a really impactful tool for me and my spiritual
journey on putting down the sword to stop fighting what is real and to really, uh, sink more deeply
into the moment and letting go of painful stories.
So this is what brings me to Plinko we’re talking about the painful stories. Okay. So the way I’ve come to best explain this type of existence of surrendering to thepresent moment is through Plinko from the prices right now. If you don’t know what Plinko is, do yourself a favor and look it up on YouTube. I will put a, to a video on the show notes. I know I
have listeners from other countries, South Africa, Germany, Ireland, UK Francis reel, Spain
Ukraine. So, um, if you haven’t experienced the game show, the price is right. You may not know
what Plinko is, but it, he is one of the most popular games that is featured on this game show.
The price is right, the link I’m going to post there’s this guy. And he wins the $10,000 prize twice.
And he screeches and squeals, and it is the funniest thing.
Um, and to just watch his reaction to hitting $10,000 twice. it’s
amazing. Alright. So how does Plinko work? A person climbs to the top of a slightly slanted
board? The board’s about 10 feet high, and it’s filled with pegs at the bottom of the board. There
are a series of slots and each slot has a different prize amount ranging from zero to $10,000.
Based on earlier performance in a contest, a contestant gets a certain —
— number of disks or pucks like a hockey puck. They get to go up to the top of the Plinko board
and drop a puck one at a time. And the puck bounces through all of these pegs. It is like a
pinball machine, but far more congested. So there is no possible way to control the destination
of the puck. You could place the puck in any position at the top of the board and the puck could
travel to any slot on the bottom of the board.
So people try to be very slick and carefully pick their location, but it
really doesn’t matter. I’ve seen people go all the way to the left and cross all the way to the right, or start in the middle and stay in the middle. As the puck falls, it bounces down in a very
happy, joyful way, just like bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. And the
further down it goes, the more excited the crowd gets and the contestant gets. And,
sometimes the person get $0. Sometimes the person gets all the way up to $10,000. Each peg
offers a decision of right or left for the puck. Now, even though everybody wants to win the
$10,000, that’s in the middle of the board, the bad news is it’s surrounded by zeros on both
sides. And so the joy of the puck happening to stay in the middle is exciting because you could
get the $10,000, but there’s a greater chance of getting zero than getting $10,000.
The joy of the puck being on the far left or the far right, is that there’s no
chance of zero. You know, you’re going to win something. The people playing Plinko like, if you
watch them, they’re super excited, no matter what, because it either stays in the middle and it
could get the grand prize, or it goes to the edge. And there’s no chance of getting zero. There’s
nothing that person can do to strategize or control it. Once they have dropped the puck. But by
playing smartly, before they get to the Plinko board, they have a chance to get more pucks. And
the more pucks they’re able to drop the better, their chances of making big money. And so life is
so much like Plinko, first of all, the farther into the future that I focus, the less able I am to assure
that outcome. It doesn’t matter where I dropped the puck at the beginning because I can’t
Possibly control the right or left motions down 150 pegs. It it’s out of my control. All
I can do is earn enough pucks to drop and believe that everything’s gonna work out. Okay. So
does it mean that I’m a passive and silent partner in my life? If I’m talking about applying this
concept of, I can’t strategize far out in the future? No, that’s not what I mean. Intentionality is a
very important tool for me in my life. And it has really yielded richness for me. So I have
intentions for the direction that my life goes, but I cannot plan my experiences of three or four or
five years from now. There’s just too much that could happen. I mean, look at COVID, the lesson
is doing the best I can to gather as many pucks as I can being happy if the puck stays in the
middle, because I might get 10,000 and acknowledging my kids zero, or being happy if the puck
is in the left or the right, because then there’s no chance of getting zero feed off of the energy of
the crowd and the cheering of the host.
And remember that the worst case scenario in playing Plinko is to get
$0. You cannot lose. You. Can’t walk away with a less than what you arrived with at the bare
minimum. You’ve had an extraordinarily fun experience and a story to share with everyone for
the rest of your life. And you didn’t lose a single thing. Best case scenario. You walk away with
money. This is a beautiful, satisfying, joyful, abundant way to experience life. I wish I could say
that I always approached life the way players approach Plinko that said, I mean, how many
times have I looked at my prizes with disgust, with rage, depression, horror? How many times
have I fumed over how unfair it was that I didn’t get promoted or I didn’t get married, or I didn’t
have enough money or that I wasn’t more handsome. How many times have I actually shed real
tears around how I felt about my life?
So many that’s how many, so many the pain in my life came from a
belief that I was supposed to win the $10,000 who ever said I was going to win $10,000. I
believed it when instead I walked away with zero or 100 or 500 or 1000, I believed I was
cheated. I believed I was robbed and tricked, and that I had been taken advantage of by life. And that is painful. I walked
away from the Plinko board with $0 trudging back to the parking garage, looking at my mug that
says, I went to the price is right. And all I got was this lousy mug and feeling I got cheated
instead of recognizing what was real, what was real was I had the experience of a lifetime. I had
the experience of a lifetime and I didn’t lose a single thing. It’s the belief that what I actually have
today is wrong and unfair. That’s what hurts me. It’s not, not being able to afford a pair of Gucci
sneakers. That’s not what hurts. It’s feeling that I should have them, but can’t that hurts. And this
is a story that I have the power to pick up or put down. It is in my purview to believe that or not.
It’s about perspective. Do I feel like I was bamboozled by life or do I look
at the love, the relationships, the promotions, the birthday gifts, the people who stepped into help
me when things were hard, the beautiful apartments I’ve had. Do I look at all of that? Do I look at
the coworkers who valued me and the bosses who appreciated me and all of this that has been
poured down on my head? Do I look at that and say, this is just a mug I got as a constellation
prize, because what I really wanted look like X, Y, Z, or can I shift that perspective to say, wow,
how did I end up so lucky? And why do I believe I need X, Y, Z? What is it inside of me that feels
like I’m deficient. If I can’t have that, there was a lot of unnecessary pain that I went through for
three decades.
And it’s not until this recent period that I can let go of that. I mean, I’m
not living up on the clouds. You know, I don’t have the body that I would prefer. There are a lot of
aspects of my life that I wouldn’t pick out of a catalog, but I don’t feel cheated. I feel like what I
have received out of life is appropriate. And when I look at the causes and effects, and when I
look at my behaviors and my decisions, what I got out of life is more than fair. If I can let go of
the story, that I should have more and instead look at what’s real. I made out pretty damn good.
And that is that’s a game changer. So today through the growth, I’ll say
that I’ve gone through for the past couple of years of trying to reorient my life on a more spiritual
plane today, I do live a much more intentional life than before. I mean, literally I sit down in the
morning and draft up my intentions for the day, but I also have established boundaries. I don’t do
things that don’t feel good to me. I don’t hang out with people that don’t feel good to me. I don’t
accept a job that doesn’t feel good to me. Right. I follow my intuition, my guidance. I look at
what’s real in the moment, me.
And I say, do I believe that the universe wants me to have this or not? And if it doesn’t feel right, I don’t believe I’m supposed to have it. And I let it go. I’m certainly not
perfect in that. I mean, I, I actually did buy a lotto ticket a few weeks ago and I was annoyed
when I didn’t win anything. Um, so that’s literally the same thing as walking away from Plinko
and being upset about it, right? I mean like, um, so I don’t follow this perfectly, but what I can tell
you is that I follow this most of the time, and it has opened up a different way of life. To me that
has allowed me to start this new career as a coach, as a speaker, it’s allowed me to launch a
podcast. It’s allowed me to have adventures in 2020 that I’ll never forget. There is a real benefit
to living this way. That’s why I believe in it, I’m experiencing it. So when I catch myself in that
well worn pattern, that something is not fair that I have been given a bum hand. I know that I
have not surrendered. It’s like an alarm clock going off inside of me saying, Hey, it’s time to look
at what’s real right now because you’re living in a fantasy. And when I look at what’s real, the
painful stuff is just a troubling belief that I have accepted as real.
I slip back into that absentmindedly, uh, you know, it’s not effortless to
stay mindful, but I can’t snap out of it just by directing my attention there. So when that happens,
I look at the peg of this moment to go back to Plinko. What is my choice right now? Am I going to
fall to the left of this peg or the right of this peg? That’s the choice I have right now? What do my
guiding values? And my inner wisdom tell me to do left right left, right? And then peg after peg, after
peg fall to the right fall to the left, fall to the right fall, to the right fall, to the left decision by
decision moment, by moment, instant by instant following my North star, my values, I chart out a
course that aligns with my values. So by setting that North star and staying aware of the moment
I get the North star now is a life of surrender, boring an anticlimactic.
Well, you get to decide. I mean, no one else has any say in it, but I can
tell you that that’s not my experience doors have opened to me this year because I was quiet
enough to listen for the hinges. How do we achieve something? If we’re not drafting blueprints
for the future, right? Nobody wants to float in a foggy purgatory with no direction. And that’s not
at all. What I’m telling you. The answer is in setting clear intentions for an optimal path, values
are important here. If one of my primary values is adventure that is going to flavor the decisions I
make of turning left or right left or right peg by peg, by peg, with an ultimate understanding and
faith that the path I’m on is touched by adventure.
If achievement is one of my values, then each peg will represent a
choice left or right. That gives me a chance to lean into achievement or not. And moment by
moment, I can look back and see that by my tendency, towards my value of achievement. I have
achieved. This works with all values and combinations of values. Relationship is a value. Service
is a value family, creativity, learning. All of this is a value. Beauty is a value. And so once I set
my compass on that value with clarity and I make the decision that feels best to me in each
moment I move towards the value. Slightly wavering left, right left, right left, left, right, right left.
It’s not a straight line, but it ended up there.
And that is my experience. That’s what a life of surrendering to the
moment has offered. That’s why people hire coaches. It’s why I ended up where I am doing what
I’m doing, because I knew that my life didn’t seem oriented to my values. And I couldn’t
understand why I tried so hard to be an achiever, to be good, to contribute, to make people feel
better. I tried really hard to do all of these things. And yet I still felt like I kept ending up in the
wrong place. And the answer was that I did not listen to my values. I let other things guide my
puck from peg to peg, to peg. And while the decisions are small, you don’t notice. At first, over a
period of time, I had strayed far enough away to feel that sense of loss. And by looking more
clearly at that, I could undo some of that pathway and reoriented to where it should be.
If any of this is taking root in you right now, if it feels consonant with you,
um, I hope it’s this. There is a big difference between doing what feels right in the moment and
doing what you think will give you the best outcome in the future. This is a major point of this
episode. This might seem like nitpicking. It might feel like semantics, but I promise you. It’s not.
The good news is that no matter what you do, there is no such thing as a right or a wrong path,
right. And wrong are relative. And they are defined by you. There is no such thing as a right path
and a wrong path. Any path you pick or any path you end up on from a lack of mindfulness is
filled with love for you by the universe and endless opportunities for fulfillment. And for course,
correction, one path just happens to be in a flow.
And one path happens to require you to push a Boulder up a Hill. Both
of these paths are rich and they’re perfect in the eyes of your spirit and your soul and your
calling. They’re both perfect. All roads lead to Rome, but one flows and one pushes up Hill. It’s
up to you to choose, which is better for you right now. One path makes choices from your actual
place of power and place of greatness, which is the now one path makes choices from the
future, which is a place in which you have no power because the future is imaginary. Both paths.
Do however, have the potential to deliver to you what you want. So the path of surrendering to
the now gives you a position of power.
Is that ironic, surrendering to the now grants, you access to power. The
path of making choices from a future means you have no power. So what’s the difference. If you’re going to get where you’re supposed to go, no matter what, why on earth does it matter whether you surrender to the now or whether you draft and plan out the future? In my experience, my life is absolutely littered with things that I have achieved,
bought, earned, and won, but that once I got them, they were unfulfilling. As I directed my
attention on achieving something, the universe often gave it to me, but it’s not what I really
wanted. I got the high of achieving and that high gave me a taste of flow. And once that
momentary high was gone, I needed the next high of another achievement.
That is my experience. And I don’t know if any of you can relate to me.
Have you fought hard to get something? And once you got it, you didn’t want it anymore. I don’t
know. That’s what happened to me over and over and over again. That is not the life that I would
want for my child. If I had one that is not the life I would recommend to my adolescent self. If I
could lovingly sit with him and give him guidance, I would not want him to embark on a series of
achievements that left him feeling unfulfilled. I know what that was like.
There’s a better life than that for me. And it is knowing what feels right in
my heart and following it moment by moment and trusting that if I do that, I’ll end up in a place.
That’s great. Where’s that going to be? I don’t know. I can’t tell you, what am I going to be doing
in five years? I have no idea. I can’t tell you, but the secret is the other guy can’t tell you either.
And he thinks he knows. I’m just honest about not knowing. And I’ve made my peace because I
trust that my compass is set in the right direction.
Now I’m the first to tell you that switching to a life of surrender is an
uncomfortable move. There is well worn, comfort and soothing. And this illusion that we have our
hands on the levers of the future and the truth is we control almost nothing. We can’t control. If
the refrigerator breaks, we can’t control our children’s attitude or their tendency towards
cleanliness. We can’t control flooding in Louisiana or wildfires out West. We can’t control the
price of aspirin in a hospital or the traffic on the way to work. I can’t control the expiration date on
my yogurt or leaves falling in the yard just after I wake them up. I can’t control how many dust
bunnies are going to form under the bed, or I can’t dictate the inventory at my supermarket. I
can’t stop my friends from freaking out on Facebook. I can’t stop how people think and feel and
act today in my country.
I can’t choose who my kids want to date. I can’t choose when my
bananas are just ripe enough or which celebrities I find annoying. I can’t pick when the cherry
blossoms are going to hit peak bloom in Washington, DC, and I’ve never been able to summon a
white Christmas, but I’ve tried. I can’t stop my mother’s hands from shaking, even though it’s
hard for me to watch. And I can’t help that some of my hairs are starting to turn gray. That’s just,
what is, so what can I control? The only thing I can control is the decision that is directly in front
of me at this precise moment. This is where my power lies. And like Shakespeare said, though,
she be, but little, she is fierce.
If I know my North star, that tiny decision that I make right now in this
moment causes my life to flow with immeasurable power. This is a potential that can change
paths and it can be strangled to a trickle. The minute I, again, fall into mindlessness and
inauthentic choices. So just saying this and taking you through these concepts, I realize that it
can seem that this is a dull concept, that it is an unappetizing way to live life, but I can attest to
you that it is intensely fulfilling. I have done both ways and I have experienced in both ways
earlier this summer, as all of the world’s civilization was sheltering in place. I felt when I looked
at the present moment that I could just as easily be isolated in a rental car and in a hotel room or
a motel room or an Airbnb by myself, that I could, instead of looking at my walls and watching
TV that I could drive through landscapes that I’ve only seen in books that I could go to natural
wonders and take advantage of places with almost no visitors. I knew that I could go and stay
safe while exploring national parks and cityscapes and skylines and sunsets and mountain peaks and bridges of all types. I picked my beginning of my end point
and I chose my destinations day by day. And that blew my mind. Every vacation I have ever
planned was so tightly scheduled before. And it was so unsatisfying.
This was stepping into the flow each day. I looked at the few hundred
miles around me and checked if there was anything I might like to see. And I drove in that
direction and I made my hotel reservations. And this route that I chose, it looked just like a
Plinko board, because I went from peg to peg and each peg, do I go this way or do I go that
way? What feels right? And so I lived the adventure of the Plinko puck going through the United
States from West to East, experiencing national park after national park, after national park, after
state park, after empty city, I experienced different climate after different climate from the high
mountains to the deserts, to the flatlands of Texas. And I had this experience only because I
listened to the inside voice that said, Hey, if you don’t pay that expensive rent that you have in
DC, if you don’t renew your lease, you can use that money to do this instead. And that’s what I
did.
And that trip gave me two months of stimulation and excitement and
memories forever and adventure. In addition to that, this year, I spent two weeks, uh, in the
smoky mountains and in West Virginia, uh, that was in March. And then when I got back from
my trip, I just knew, I just, I just knew it didn’t feel right for me to stay in the city right now. And so
I said, Hey, I want to go live somewhere on water. I don’t have any money. I’m down to my last
couple thousand dollars. I bought an old car used, I paid cash. And then I had to go all the way
to remote rural Maine to be able to afford a place on water, but I did it. And as I’m here recording
this, uh, I’m looking out a picture windows at a rainbow of autumn leaves. They’re falling like
confetti.
They’re putting on the best drag show ever. I’m watching chipmunks,
dark back and forth across this enormous lot. I’m mesmerized by sunset. It’s being reflected in
10,000 tiny stars of light that are twinkling on the surface of a pond that is just outside my
window and the pond. Every morning when I come down the stairs, it looks happy to see me.
There’s my Plinko grand prize. I don’t have any money right now. And, uh, I’m, I don’t have a lot
of close intimate relationships right now, but I have an incredible life that was given to me on a
platter because I was willing to just get quiet and look inside, ask what felt right for my most wise
self, and then love myself enough to say, yes, I’ll try it. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but
I’ll do it. And the rest of the journey will be lovingly arranged and architected from a higher
perspective without my petty involvement. So my main point today, as we wrap up and the
purpose for this content is to ask you to consider what you believe around surrendering to the
present moment. Your beliefs are so valid, even if they are complete opposite from mine, follow
them, appreciate those beliefs. Love them, lean into them. They are unquestionable. Follow your
guidance as honestly as you can. My opinion is that straining for a life of uninvestigated goals is
like a wounded dog snarling at the vet. The most powerful I will ever be, and the only
circumstance in which I can Truly co-design my own universe is to still my mind go inside. Examine
what is real in this moment and lovingly without attachment, without expectation, drop the puck.
Thanks so much, guys have a great day. Be good to each other. This is Johnny G with the
refractive podcast. I am a spiritual and career coach, a speaker and facilitator. You can email
me johnny@refractivecoaching.com. Please reach out. I’d love to hear suggestions for episode
topics or receive any questions or comments you might have. You can find me on social media
at Twitter and Instagram @refractivelife. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please take a moment
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