As parents you care for EVERYONE; what about self care?
Executive Coach and legendary mom Randi Braun, founder of Something Major (somethingmajorcoaching.com) shares wisdom, experience, and solid research on the value of investing time in self-care. She recommends micro-moments of peace and adding small, simple rituals to even the most hectic of days in order to be the best parent, employee, employer, friend, and self. This episode is uplifting, has plenty of laughter and energy, and encourages all listeners, parents or not, that consistent small acts of self-kindness are the key to living our best lives. Pro tip: click here to check out Something Major’s Insights page for tons of well-thought-out, well-written, uplifting, and encouraging content focused on women who are owning their legacies.If you’re looking for other episodes about living an invigorating life, try Owning the Turbulence and Unlocking Joy.
For more information visit RefractiveCoaching.com.
Additional uplifting content is found on the Refractive YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6y-HQ1_9-xMnZyq7dhRl4A
Episode transcript for Self-Care for Parents follows below; please note transcripts are created via software and there are slight variations between verbal and written content. Visit refractivecoaching.com and refractivepodcast.com for more material.
Speaker 0 00:00:01 Ever since you can remember, you felt something in your chest telling you to move, to love, to speak, to try day after day. You pretend you don’t hear calling, or maybe you dismiss it as silliness or worse, but it’s there ready for you. As long as you. My name is Johnny G and I invite you to join me on a journey of awakening as we dare to embrace our lives. This is refractive. Hello. Hello. Welcome through refractive podcast. This is Johnny G. And on today’s episode, I’ll introduce you to a force of nature and a fellow coach speaker, and a facilitator. Her name is Randi Braun. I love Randi. I keep her close to my orbit because she inspires me to own my power as a coach. And she has channeled her own strength into lifting up women who are ready to own their best lives.
Speaker 0 00:01:03 However, that takes form. Randi is here with us today to discuss the topic that is especially valid in the age of COVID-19. And one that I hope will resonate deeply with all of you, whether or not you have kids self care for parents. Now, Randi has never found it difficult to speak with strangers. And that is what led her path eventually to becoming a coach just like me. Now Randi’s coaching focuses on empowering them and helping them hit their stride, live their absolute best life. She’s the founder of something major coaching. You can find that@somethingmajorcoaching.com and I am so excited to welcome her today. Hi, Randi. Welcome to refractive.
Speaker 1 00:01:51 Hi Johnny. Thank you so much for having me on
Speaker 0 00:01:55 It is a delight. And ever since I started recording podcast episodes, I knew that you were one of the people that I wanted to have on because you have an, how would I say you have an energy about you that makes people feel good. And I want my listeners to feel good when they absorb an episode of this. So I’m delighted that you said yes
Speaker 1 00:02:19 And I’m delighted to be here. I always love chatting with you and I’m excited to see what happens when we hit the record button on one of these conversations.
Speaker 0 00:02:27 Well, I hope I’ve already hit the record button. I’ll find out soon if that’s not the case. So, uh, Randi, why don’t you take us into your background and your origin story? I know that this is a topic that is near and dear to your heart, and I’d love for the listeners to understand more about that.
Speaker 1 00:02:46 Well, Johnny, thank you again for having me and like so many other coaches, I never dreamed of being a coach. In fact, I described myself as the accidental coach and the reluctant entrepreneur. You mentioned in the intro that I’ve always had a pension for talking to strangers and originally worked in fundraising and sales, kind of my first professional love. And what happened in my sales career was that I had my two kids in two years and six days, which is a little crazy. And I just got it. Our listeners can’t see it, but your eyebrows just literally went.
Speaker 1 00:03:23 That is the correct answer, by the way, just so you know, that is the correct reaction. And what happened was in those two years in six days, I doubled my compensation in terms of my salary and my earnings. And because like you, I live in Washington D C word got around quickly and our very, very small little town, I was sitting on panels and people were connecting you with their friends. And I discovered two things really, really quickly. And all of these informational interviews, number one, people weren’t interested in my story. They were interested in going after their own big goal. And number two, I was so much more interested in what they had to say then telling my old story again, that’s how I fell in love with coaching and what coaching could be. It wasn’t always a dream as a working parent. At the time I had two kids under three, I was working as the director of enterprise sales at a tech startup and coaching at 7:00 AM and 8:00 PM.
Speaker 1 00:04:21 And that’s why this topic is so important to me because by the time I made the decision to go to coaching full time, I was truly on the cost of burnout and I never ever want any other parent to feel like that for me. And we’ll talk more about this later on the pod, it was really simple. It was about living a life where I’m prioritizing joy instead of living a life where I was mitigating stress. And that’s what led me to taking something major full time. And I could not be more thrilled to be here with you and talking about some of the works that I do with amazing working mothers every single day.
Speaker 0 00:04:57 Yeah, absolutely. Well, we have some good stuff today because I can’t not mention the fact that we’re in the middle of COVID-19. I mean, this is a dominant factor in the lives of everybody all around the world. And, uh, I am not a parent, but I can’t even imagine what it would be like to all of the sudden have my routine altered where I don’t leave the house anymore and have the routine that my children can’t leave the house either. I mean, how do you breathe
Speaker 1 00:05:35 One breath at a time? I just actually took a nice exhale. As you were saying that, you know, this is been life altering for everybody, for parents. It it’s just like someone took the rug right out from under them. And in a pre coronavirus world, one where daycares and schools were open, the research center had already reported that 56% of all working parents in America, describe it as challenging to make it all work, balancing family and home. That’s with childcare, with all of the arrangements that so many parents like the clients, I work with pain, staking only architected to build the life that they wanted to leave to live their professional lives and make sure their children have everything they needed when just like everyone else. The rug came out from under us. Parents were not prepared. Our system was fragile to support them in the first place. And truly in this moment, I believe in my heart of hearts that working parents are in crisis. And it’s incumbent upon all of us as coaches, as corporate leaders, as stewards of our organizations to show up support the great talent that we have and fight for it before we have an attrition crisis in our economy.
Speaker 0 00:06:50 Yeah, absolutely. That rings true to me as a former member of the HR crew, I can really see where you’re going with that. I know that you’ve done quite a bit of research on this topic because it’s something that your clients are obviously very interested in. Um, so would you like to kick us off with some of those factoids that you have uncovered for the benefit of all of us?
Speaker 1 00:07:17 Yeah, absolutely. We’ll talk a little bit Johnny about COVID and then what’s so important about this conversation is we can’t just let it be about Kobe. Taking care of ourselves is such, it’s the definition of evergreen. You know, we can’t serve others if we’re not serving ourselves. And I know we’ll get deeper into that, but the economy we’re recording this in the middle of what most parents feel like is a stretch to sin quarantine summer. And it’s no wonder they feel stretched in when nearly a third of the American workforce has children and those children have very, very limited care. And so I just want to say to any of the parents listening, if this feels like it’s been the hardest time of your life, if every single day feels like a struggle, you’re not doing it wrong. My system was not designed like this, right.
Speaker 0 00:08:06 But it’s supposed to feel like right now
Speaker 1 00:08:09 And you know, my husband, Johnny, I’m married to an amazing partner and my husband and I hand to heart every night before we go to bed, we have some version of this conversation. I can’t believe today happened one day. It’s going to be a part of the story he used to live to fight another day. And I know that so many working parents feel that way. And that’s something I want to share with the listeners too, Johnny, sometimes I think, you know, I don’t know if you got this, but sometimes they think just because you and I are coaches, people think that our life is, is perfect. I will say, I feel like, I don’t know if you agree. I have some tips, tricks and life hacks up my sleeve for sure that I’m able to channel on demand. But my life’s just as hard as any working parents.
Speaker 1 00:08:51 There’s some great research out of Harvard business school from a professor named dr. Willens, who studies, how high performing people use their time and what she discovered studying call center employees of all people was that the call center employees, people whose job is literally measured in how they use time. Those who took a 30 to 60 second break in between pickups in between calls those little micro moments of self care actually had a macro impact on how successful they were, how fulfilled they were in their job and their customer satisfaction ratings. And so the big takeaway, I know it’s incredible, right? The big takeaway from this Harvard study is that just 30 to 60 seconds to ourselves can pay a macro dividend in how we feel about our jobs and our streets.
Speaker 0 00:09:45 And, you know, Randi, we know this inside, we know this as human beings. We know what we need, but we have so many influences around us pressures and needs and fears that make us go, go, go, go, go. So this is such important information to process.
Speaker 1 00:10:06 And like you said, Johnny, it’s not rocket science, but I love about the Harvard business school research is that it’s from Harvard business school. So you say that, you know, I specialize in working with people who work in high performance, high volume, high predicted high unpredictability environments. And as soon as I say, Harvard business school, all of a sudden, right, it’s vetted all of a sudden as this is important. Um, and I’m one of those people, right? I mean, I’m, you know, this research for me really made me rethink that this is not anecdotal and it’s certainly some great quantitative findings, but you know, it’s just not rocket science. There is a reason why we get our best ideas when we’re in the shower, when we’re waiting for the coffee maker to kick on in the morning, we’re walking the dog last thing at night, we need time to process. We need time to be creative. And when we give ourselves that space, oftentimes we discover our super power is in our ability to speed up our ability to cultivate space, to do our best work. And that’s something that I try and hold myself to every day.
Speaker 0 00:11:13 So what do you recommend, uh, what are some good jumping off points for these people who feel so stretched and are willing to give it a shot? Let me take 30 or 60 seconds at a time for myself.
Speaker 1 00:11:24 Yeah. I think it’s really understanding what’s meaningful for you in those 30 to 60 seconds. You know, there’s four pillars of self care, which we can talk more about, but just the simplest things, you know, I have one client who to demarcate when her parenting time ends and her work time begins. It’s counterintuitive. And COVID because our work is our office and our off a part of me, our home is our office and our offices are actually step outside, listen to one song and her come back in, right? I mean, I guess that’s three minutes, not 30 seconds for me. Anytime I can get outside and get fresh air. I do a lot with music. I also do a lot in my own home right now where I can’t get out, but I want to play with space. I’ll just go somewhere else and just close the door.
Speaker 1 00:12:13 Like so many parents who are probably listening in, I have done way too much work from the floor of bathrooms and closets because sometimes that’s the only quiet spot I can take a phone call, you know, I mean, this is life and COVID, we all have to make it work and give ourselves permission to take a deep breath. And sometimes I just even do little breathing exercises with myself. And so this really feeds nicely into the concept of the four pillars that you mentioned. So for the listeners, why don’t you take us into that? Yeah. And this is something that I feel so strongly and passionately about because something happened Johnny in the way that we talked about self care, all this sudden self care became woo. It became yoga. It became green juice and it almost became political. And you either are self-indulgent person who does self care, or you take pride in the fact that you don’t drink green juice and do yoga.
Speaker 1 00:13:14 So there’s certainly physical self care, right? That’s going to be everything from our exercise, sleep, what we’re putting in our body. That’s kind of like the common sense self care. And then there’s also emotional, intellectual and spiritual. And when I work with my clients, this is where I really see the unlock habit. It can be anything from, you know, intellectual self care. It’s almost like we forget to use our brains for anything else besides work. Yeah, that’s right. You know, it could be reading, it could be podcasting, it could be doing something creative. I have one client right now who self care activity is picking back up her violin. Um, after years and years of not playing in a very high profile job and a very high profile company. Um, I’m working with one woman, she’s an emerging leader stepping into her first executive role.
Speaker 1 00:14:04 And she’s literally picked up just doodling and coloring. She’s used to love to draw that’s intellectual self care that’s creating and using your brain. And then certainly there’s the emotional self care. Whether that’s setting boundaries, connecting with friends, turning off the news, right? Like what just emotionally recharges you. Right. And then finally, Johnny, I know this is really your domain is right. And it’s really incredible, you know, that could be anything. And I’m sure our listeners love to hear your tips too, on mindfulness or meditation, or, you know, I have one client I’ve been working with who really misses the fellowship and community for organized religion and thinking about how she can perform that kind of spiritual self care going to church every weekend is just off the table in the city she’s living in.
Speaker 0 00:14:56 Right. Absolutely. Well, that’s off the table for almost everybody right now, if that was a part of your, you know, personal refresh, um, not right now, you know, did you ever take any Franklin Covey courses? Just curious. Yes. Well, no, Franklin Covey is the name of Stephen Covey’s company. It is named after Benjamin Franklin and then also Covey. So Benjamin Franklin was one of his personal heroes. And so I’m not from the, I’m not, I’m not sure if there is popular today as they used to be, but are you familiar with them?
Speaker 1 00:15:30 Not only am I familiar with them, they are my foray into this work. There was an, um, can I tell you a little story? Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:15:39 Yeah. We go for it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:15:42 So when I went to Emory university, which is where I did my undergrad, there was a fitness and physical education requirement. I like so many other undergrads rolled my eyes at this class. I’m too busy for this. I was 19 years old, right? What is busy when you’re 19? And I met this amazing woman who taught fitness at Emory named Kay Stewart, who was a burgeoning mindfulness coach. And as part of those PPEs, those physical education requirements, Kay, had gotten permission to pilot, a mindfulness course based on the, uh, the seven habits of highly effective people. And I took this mindfulness class with her to satisfy my health and wellness and physical education requirement. Looking back the number one thing, Kay, taught me in those classes and all the other ones. Cause I was, I ended up being a K groupie. I just took all my fitness and wellness classes with her. It’s not judgment. It’s just awareness. And it’s such a gift when we give ourselves at, so that’s not necessarily a Stephen Covey ism. Um, but yeah, I mean that more years ago that I’m going to admit on the podcast was really my first foray into coaching. Just a chance encounter in a physical education and wellness class and undergrad. I mean, classic life happens, right.
Speaker 0 00:17:06 Well, I’ll tell you, uh, I took, I was lucky enough to have my employer way back a million years ago, pay for me to go to a Franklin Covey course and it changed my life and it put me on a trajectory for impact and success. And it was based on the seven habits of highly effective people. And I had not yet been exposed to that book before. And, uh, the point of me bringing this up is, uh, the habit sharpen your saw and sharpening your saw in Franklin Covey speak, um, copyright Franklin company, inc, is, is about taking care of your knees and your wellbeing and investing the time and resources to recharge yourself so that you don’t have to work harder. If you take a few minutes to sharpen the saw you cut down more trees more quickly, and that was the focus. Then when you were talking with me earlier, when we were kind of brainstorming this episode about those four pillars, it made me think of sharpening the saw, because in my planner, I actually had those four categories. I remember way back when I was a first time manager, I had those four categories and every day, what was I doing for my spirituality or my intellect for my body and all of that. So I love that these truths are kind of coming to the surface. Again,
Speaker 1 00:18:31 I’ll just give you a real life example of what that can look like for our parents. So this Saturday I took three hours to myself. This is not a micro moment. This was like, especially in a COVID-19 world, this was a macro indulgence. And let me tell you what I accomplished in three hours by myself, the rules were no phone numbers.
Speaker 0 00:18:56 That seems hard. It was,
Speaker 1 00:18:59 I read a hundred pages of the book. I wrote two articles by hand
Speaker 0 00:19:09 Outline
Speaker 1 00:19:10 For my newsletter. I wrote a thank you note by hand to somebody that I wanted to send. And I came up with five ideas for my business, various things for me and my business and a few things for clients, not because I said, Oh, I have three hours. I’m going to do work. But because I spent the first hour sitting outside and reading, I went, I’m here at my parents house, which is where we’re recording tonight. Um, and had the luxury of dipping in the pool. And as soon as I took that swam, all of these ideas popped into my head. I’m telling you for, for having not work time, it was the three most productive hours of my week. And guess what? That magic is something that can be,
Speaker 0 00:20:00 Yes, that’s right. It’s a formula. It really is. You know, um, I like the concept of adding rituals to my life. And when I say rituals, you know, it sounds all religious and whatnot, but it’s not what I mean is establishing a pattern of activity that feels good. So it might be the way you make your coffee and the single place you sit every time you have your coffee in the morning, or it might be watering your plants, first thing on Saturday morning or whatever it is, it could be lighting a candle every single time you sit on the sofa, but it’s this kind of, um, I’m doing a therefore B happens. That gives me a reminder that things are spinning out of control. They may feel very fast paced, but I can build into my hectic day. These moments of pattern and predictability and gentle comfort
Speaker 1 00:21:01 And ritual is so powerful. You know, I that’s, when I think about what has made this just beyond schools closing, you know, what has made this such a difficult time for parents, as we think about how they can cultivate practical and effective self care in a COVID-19 world we had as parents, all of these rituals, even if you hated your commute, even if you hated getting the kids to school or daycare every day, getting them to the bus stop in time was a mad dash. There was ritual and rhythm for separation and boundaries around when we parent, when we work and there was a very sacred transition time. And whether most parents realize it or not, they have small little rituals in that trend,
Speaker 0 00:21:47 Right?
Speaker 1 00:21:48 From the way they scrolled their iPhone on the Metro, because the way they listen to their favorite podcasts in the car driving to work. So we’ve now collapsed boundaries. We’ve collapsed rituals. When I work with parents, it’s not, how do you recreate the rituals you had back in February in a COVID-19 world. It’s really an invitation to reimagine what ritual can look like and recreate things. And they can be small. I can’t come back enough to the power of these micro moments. One song, having your coffee by yourself, taking time to read an article for me, Johnny, my personal ritual is I’m. You know, some of our listeners will long for the days when their kids used to do this. My kids still nap. You know, I still have little kids that’s yours. And I love them to death, love them to death. When I put them down for their nap, I make myself a strawberry and banana smoothie.
Speaker 0 00:22:48 Oh, that’s perfect.
Speaker 1 00:22:50 Yeah I make it for me. I make a small little one that my daughter enjoys when she gets up from her nap because she’s four going on 14 and wants to be a part of everything. But for me, when I have that smoothie every day, I know that I’m entering a period of the day where it’s going to be my time and it’s just vanilla yogurt and frozen strawberries. Like it’s not complicated. This is easy stuff. So easy. And I really want to invite parents to think about what can make your life easy right now.
Speaker 0 00:23:20 That’s right. That’s right. Just taking the moment of mindfulness to say, where can I reestablish quiet moments of comfort on a daily basis? You know, it’s an anchor. It really acts that way. Randi, one thing that I noticed a lot from my clients, from other people I talk to is that this situation of COVID and the quarantine and shelter in place has inspired a lot of people to think of redesigning their careers and redesigning how they felt about working for Paul or the general structure of their career. So what has been your exposure to this changing thought?
Speaker 1 00:24:04 First thought, Johnny, if you’re not learning a lot about yourself and what you care about in a COVID-19 world, you’re not,
Speaker 0 00:24:11 Is that your alarm,
Speaker 1 00:24:18 This is a really exciting opportunity. And it’s one of the things that I personally feel really grateful about is that I feel like I’m learning a lot about myself and I know I’m not alone in that. You know, it’s really interesting for some people, they are redesigning their lives in ways that feel really voluntary for them. And unfortunately for some working families, they’re redesigning their lives in ways that don’t feel voluntary. So back in April fortune was one of the first publications to report on this. And I remember saying to my husband at the time that this article came out, watch this, this is going to be the Canary in the coal mine. They reported that 14% of working American women had either quit or considered quitting their job since the pandemic had begun. Keep in my mid April, we were only about six weeks, widespread lockdowns, max. There’s more and more research coming out every day. And you know, we are figuring out very quickly, economists and pundits on TV have figured out what working parents have figured out for months, which is there are some days where it feels like we just can’t function. And as it turns out, neither can our economy, there are 26, some estimates, eight 26 million working Americans with schooling.
Speaker 0 00:25:44 Hmm.
Speaker 1 00:25:46 It really is an opportunity to redesign our lives. I see working women every single day who are really thinking about what’s important to them. And I’m proud to tell you, Johnny and my coaching practice, I have working mothers who have gotten promotions during this time that a new jobs, when organizations are on hiring freezes, we have gotten raises when budgets are being cut at their organizations. And so it’s not to say that people aren’t thriving, but I also want people to know if they don’t feel like they’re thriving, they’re not
Speaker 0 00:26:21 That’s right. And this is such a rich opportunity. Like you said, to get in touch with what really matters, what are my driving principles? When I make a spur of the moment decision, what are my values? And I think that we, as a culture, we all think, Oh, yep. Oh, honesty is my value. Yeah. I love honesty. You know, um, charity. Oh yeah. We got to take care of
Speaker 0 00:26:51 Exactly. And you know, in reality, not everybody makes their decisions based on honesty or charity or service and that’s okay. Like there’s nothing wrong with achievement being a primary value. Not everybody needs to go live in a convent. Nobody ever made that rule. It’s okay to want to be surrounded by luxury. That’s fine. And, but be honest, like accept it, own it because that’s your power. That’s your super power to know what makes you tick is a super power. And this is a time for us to say, I know that I don’t want to live a life of service. I want to live a life of achievement. Okay, great. Or I know that my focus is going to be on learning new things. It’s not going to be on that 25% pay increase I was expecting for next year. And that’s okay. I can’t over state the importance of understanding your values. And I know you do a lot of work on identifying values with your, with your clients. How do you help them to uncover what those are?
Speaker 1 00:28:03 Yeah. So typically when I’m working with a client, especially when I’m working with a working parent, who’s feeling some kind of tension in their life. And this was even pre COVID. It’s really, really easy for us to get all of the different strands of our life, nodded up into one wall. And then life just feels complicated and messy and not enough, and we can’t untangle it. And so as part of that untangling process, I often have clients break down four parts of their life. What are their goals personally, professionally with their family and financially, but with my clients, you know, it’s really a lot easier to integrate all the different parts of our lives when we first take a little bit of time to segment them out. And so that can be really, really helpful for folks to understand just, Hey, like what do I want professionally? What do I want financially? And sometimes those things are in conflict, but until you take the time to really rumble with that conflict to borrow a Brene Brownism is you can’t really get anywhere in living and leading on purpose. One thing in particular that I offered to parents right now is great thinking big picture. Really, really great. As you’re thinking about how you want to move the dial from surviving to thriving in a COVID-19 world. I also want to get parents permission to just ask themselves what’s important to me, to them.
Speaker 0 00:29:21 Yes, that’s it.
Speaker 1 00:29:24 Right now. I can not tell you how liberating it is to make a decision in the here and now. And there’s never been a more urgent time to do it. That’s how you take care of yourself. That’s how you see the warning signs.
Speaker 0 00:29:36 That’s right. It’s really painful. Randi. When, when I live, I’ll about me, when I live in a way that is not consonant with my values, there are so many times where I said yes to a job that I didn’t want. It didn’t feel right, but I wanted the money. And so I said, yes, when my insides were saying, no pivot, go this way. Find something that makes you feel joy. And I said, Nope, I want to, I want to shop. I want to buy my furniture at pottery barn at age 24. So I’m going to go take this job that I don’t want because it pays more well, that hurts. Like it hurt me. And it may not have been bone crushing pain in the moment. But over time I wake up one day and I don’t like my life. And like what greater pain is there, then not wanting the life you have for me.
Speaker 0 00:30:32 That’s the true wealth of taking a moment to know what really matters to me. Listen, if my primary focus is that I need to buy a house in a certain school district, because that is my primary deciding factor for these next couple of years. Great. If that’s what feels right, you should pour all of your love and energy into it. But if that is to keep up with the Joneses and that’s not what your insides are telling you to do, you’re going to pay the consequences of that decision. My clients are paying the consequences of it. That’s why they come and talk to me because they don’t know how they ended up in a life that feels so lukewarm.
Speaker 1 00:31:10 Absolutely. And you know, it’s, it’s complicated. I think it’s really complicated for parents, Johnny. You know, I just think about when you add up, I have two kids in daycare, one kid in diapers. And when, you know, both of my kids were formula babies, you know, it costs thousands and thousands of dollars, um, to just make it all work, to provide the bare necessities to your children and my children, weren’t in some like Lux daycare, right? But just in a daycare, you know, Johnny and where are you? And I live in Washington, D C in like the basement of a federal building, nothing fancy. And so I really respect and appreciate the decisions that parents are making every single day. And this has been a tough time for a lot of parents. It, it feels scary, especially for parents of older children, where they’re really thinking about getting close to college about what it feels like to lose your job, what it feels like to worry about being furloughed or worried about the economy.
Speaker 1 00:32:09 You know, this came up, I did a thriving while remote workshops for a private school in Washington DC. And one of the women who attended asked me in the Q&a, she said, Randi, one of the tips Johnny I had given was, you know, you gotta figure out what you can to your point of living your values, what you can delegate deputize or skip when you don’t have the same eight to nine hours in a day so that you can really maximize and optimize your impact. And he said during the Q and a that’s really great in concept, but I’m really worried. They’re going to be making cuts in my organization. And I feel like they need to show up and perform because I’m the breadwinner in my family. That’s a really real issue. You know, my advice to her first. So I felt for her, this is just such an excruciatingly hard time for so many people.
Speaker 1 00:32:57 And I feel for him, and what I just shared with her was when the reviews come around right now, you can’t do a hundred percent of your work at a hundred percent of your capacity at a hundred percent of your performance. And I said, when, when those tough conversations come around, do you want to be the person who did a hundred percent of your work at 70% or 70% of your work at a hundred percent? And again, I, we have parents listening. I just want to give themselves permission to breathe, to recalibrate. And to really, I fell for that woman. And she also loved her job. That was the really special thing about her. They had made a decision, she was the breadwinner. She was Sam good at her job and loved it. And that struggle is really very real for a lot of people right now.
Speaker 0 00:33:43 That’s right. You know, and I certainly hope that people listening don’t feel that I would want to diminish the pain of that decision. What I’m saying is, okay, here’s the reality of today? It doesn’t mean this is a lifetime sentence. It means that, okay, I’m going to have to buckle down and continue this path for the next nine months. And I’m willing to build structures so that I can show love to myself and provide for my family and then pivot when it’s right for me. Because what I’ve seen is that we don’t ever even put down on paper, the opportunity to pivot later, we resign ourselves to a life of pain and I’m here to tell everybody, no one was born to have a life of pain. You are a spark of God, you are born for magnificence and greatness, and I’m going to goosebumps like your heart.
Speaker 1 00:34:48 And this is one thing I see with parents all the time, not just, you know, in my coaching practice. I hear it in conversations with colleagues and friends, when you’re working parent on a good day, right? We talked about those Pew stats at the beginning of our conversation in a pre coronavirus world, 56% of American working parents described it as challenging or tricky to make it all work. A lot of times we spend our time thinking about how we can minimize stress in our lives. And I find that for the clients I work with transformation and happiness really comes when, instead of focusing on minimizing stress, they’re focused on maximizing joy. And I know that was my own path to taking the greatest leap of, of my career. Everything on paper told me I should have stayed in my day job, great job, best perks I ever had at any company.
Speaker 1 00:35:45 Right? So I’m not, I’m an old guy, worked with wonderful people, loved the clients, right? I did not run away from a job. I just liked for me. I look back and I think I get goosebumps thinking about it. If I had been caught up in a mindset of remediation in minimizing stress, I would have dropped all the things I was doing with something major when it was just a little side hustle on the side. But instead, every single day I was leaning into what brought me joy. Now did that mean I ran myself down at the end, trying to do it all certainly, but I know I made the right decision, but I feel for parents who are on the class of these big decisions, I, you know, the first few months being full time in my business, I was paying my kids’ daycare, tuition bills out of my savings.
Speaker 1 00:36:33 Now it doesn’t matter. It’s all come out with a wash, but those were, those were scary months where you think to yourself, man, I have a responsibility to two little people who are counting on me and never did I worry the roof over their head was in jeopardy. This was real life and really tough decisions. And life is really full of really tough decisions. And so part of self care is thinking about not just how you minimize stress, because sometimes you just need to blow off steam. You just need to minimize a little bit of stress, but really when we can shift our mindset towards cultivating joy, following our heart, you know, letting ourselves be excited and see where that excitement takes us. That’s where the really big stuff happens.
Speaker 0 00:37:15 Yes, that’s right. I call it living by Plinko. Do you remember Plinko from the price is right?
Speaker 1 00:37:23 Not only do I remember Plinko but last year I lived one of my life’s dreams, which was to go to a live taping.
Speaker 0 00:37:30 Oh no,
Speaker 1 00:37:34 No, we did. I wasn’t called out, but I did guess the showcase show down to like a thousand dollars. Like I would have won if I was both the man named Ron walked away with like four cars and a Winnebago, which, who would’ve thought a Winnebago would be so important this year?
Speaker 0 00:37:52 No, no. Now, yeah. That’s gold. So this formula for living, it’s really based in being present in the moment. But living by Plinko is a system that works like this. You stand at the top of the Plinko board with your puck and you look down and there are 350 pegs and your puck is going to bounce from peg to peg, to peg. And each peg is the next moment in time. So I drop my pocket and wherever I think is the most opportune place. And I hit a peg and my pox is going to go left or it’s going to go, right. And both ways are okay, which way do I prefer? Let me think, okay, I’m going to go left. And as I go peg by peg, by peg, I can gently guide my life towards the $10,000. I can’t go straight down. I can’t go in a straight line.
Speaker 0 00:38:48 It is the end result of a million tiny decisions. Every time I listened to my heart, I get closer to the $10,000. Every time I listened to my fear, I go away from the $10,000, but it takes a lot of effort and presence to be able to identify in the moment, is this fear or is this love? Why am I choosing what I’m choosing right now? Oh, that’s fear. You know what? I’m going to go left. I’m gonna go towards love. And it’s I find it’s a winning strategy. And it’s what, it’s something I try to teach my clients. And, um, with that, I think we’re running out of time. Randi. I am so grateful. I’m so grateful that the refractive audience is going to get a chance to hear some of your experience. And I would love for you to share with us how we can get in touch with you.
Speaker 1 00:39:42 Absolutely. You can get in touch with me anytime on www.somethingmajorcoaching.com or you can find me on LinkedIn. I’m Randi Braun – Randi with an I- and Johnny, I really invite all of your listeners to check out the insight center on my website. I have tons of free on demand resources, both for working parents and for non parents on how you can live your best life in a COVID-19 world and a non COVID-19 worlds, including for our parents, an audit that they can use to determine whether they’re thriving or surviving while remote, and hopefully get them a few steps closer to thriving. So thank you Johnny, for having me on so much fun, chatting with you and hitting the record button and forward to doing it again soon.
Speaker 0 00:40:26 Yes. Thank you, Randi. Everybody. This is Johnny G with refractive. I’m a personal career and spiritual coach based in DC, but I work locally and remotely with people who know they are meant for more than a lead form life. My goal is to live my best life by helping others live their best lives. So find me on Facebook at refractive coaching. Find me on Twitter or instagram at refractivelife or on the web at www.refractivecoaching.com. Thanks again to Randi Braun, founder of something major. Remember you can go visit her and her insight center at www.somethingmajorcoaching.com . Check her out. She is an unstoppable force, which you already know if you have completed this episode. So have a great day. Everyone be good to each other and don’t forget aim your light.
Speaker 2 00:41:12 .